Normally these threads are for paid subscribers only, but I’m opening this one up to everyone!
Last night I was thinking about how not a single person on this Earth has ever actually gotten shredded abs in two weeks, or lost ten pounds in a week (not in a meaningful way, anyway). Not one. Not one! We have this motivational marketing language around working out and food that is not only improbable, it’s impossible, and yet it persists. Wild!
In that spirit (or really, hopefully, the total opposite of that spirit), I’ve talked a lot in my columns about what keeps me lifting my little weights and eating my little proteins. If the above scenarios are totally unreasonable, what goals keep you showing up at the gym that ARE real?
What ‘motivates’ you, or what keeps you going when you’re not motivated at all?
As someone who’s developed a functional (if not perfect or even always good!) relationship with all of this stuff, what is a more reasonable picture you’d paint for someone who’s been discouraged over and over by promises like the ones above of how this can all work?
I have quite literally brought myself back from being very ill - twice? - using the power of patiently applied exercise. The first time was after a tropical virus knocked out my digestive system. I lost quite a lot of weight fast, was complimented on it (GROSS), was so weak I could barely walk around the block and in quite a lot of pain. I started with fifteen minutes of yoga every three days and timed walks of ten minutes, then gradually upped that until I got through a yoga program that was semi-challenging. (This took about a year and a half, and then I was feeling a lot better.) Then added cross-country skiing and my first attempt of strength training (over the next two years), and running, and suddenly I was in incredible shape. For me - not for instagram - and I certainly didn't have shredded abs, but I could walk for longer than a trained dancer and I could lift my own damn suitcase, and felt so capable. So we're talking a five year journey here, but I kept seeing small things improve along the way, and because I built up the foundation slowly, things could go wrong and I could get back to it. Then came 2021.
First, I had covid. And that was not super awful, but it left me with a very fast heartbeat that seems to have been neurological, and a pretty significant weakness. Built that back up slowly using skiing (at the pace of a snail) and then walks, because running felt weird. Then, oh, then, I got cancer. That was--well. Chemo breaks you. But! Then I found a physio who knew cancer patients and helped me do gym machine-based strength training which is useful when your entire system is fucked up so you can't make your joints do things right, then I started cross-country skiing again once the snow came, and now I'm doing that twice a week, and I just got through phase 1 of Liftoff (which I'm doing at a slower pace than Casey says, because chemo). And now I'm SO much better than I was in November after chemo that it's somewhat ridiculous. So. A mix of strength training, yoga, walking, and skiing has brought me back from being very very sickly twice. And the first time I did it I was coming both from being very unfit to begin with (I was the kind of kid who was bullied in gym class) and very very weak. And five years later my doctor called me athletic and I nearly fell off my chair.
It just genuinely makes me *feel better.* My body has improved aesthetically (except for my boobs, if I’m being real—fat loss = bye-bye titties), I’m much stronger but still have days or weeks that really don’t go like I want them to and I feel weak and frustrated, but even if I experienced no aesthetic or strength-related changes, it’s something to do that just works like magic to quiet my silly little brain. I don’t have a single human thought the whole time I’m in the gym. I’m just a little weightlifting machine in there, and afterwards, even if it wasn’t a particularly good day, I always feel better than if I hadn’t done it. I’ve found that lifting consistently makes it hard to be anything other than calm and content. It makes me feel primal, creaturely, purposeful: when I’m hungry, I eat the things that allow me to do the things I like to do; I use my body to do things that bring me peace and joy; I put the well-used, happily tired little body to bed. That’s what I do with myself. It just feels like what I’m supposed to be doing. I just wish I’d figured it out prior to age 32.
I’m 53 and just started taking fitness seriously about 18 months ago. The only thing that keeps me going is knowing with my wisest mind that I’m stronger and healthier every time I show up. One of the first things my trainer said to me was “throw away your scale”. I didn’t do it, because I haven’t gotten emotionally strong enough to, yet. But I’ve learned that my strength and fitness are not measured there. I weigh exactly the same as when I started. My body looks almost identical. But I see the dramatic improvement in my strength and health, empirically.
I literally say every day, *anything* I do today to improve my fitness, helps. Even if I don’t feel like it. And even if I don’t crush it. Just showing up. Over and over and over.
Well, I can’t think of very much worthwhile that happens that fast. If I’m totally honest, at 72, what’s working for me to keep my weight reasonable and still feel good about my progress, is to keep competing. Knowing I need to make weight and also my ego wants to see improvement each time I’m on the platform is what does it for me.
I started training for an ultramarathon several years ago to cope with a bad breakup and the crippling sense of being alive that comes from having depression. Moving my body was the one surefire way I had to keep the demons in my mind at bay. It was were I had control.
I ran my first ultra and was taken by the singular happiness that comes from working towards a goal and achieving it. I kept running and training and have ran several more ultras. I started weight training as a way to stave off injury from the repetitive trauma of long distance mountain running. Along the way my depression become more manageable and I have built a community of supportive and loving people. If I keep moving everything else seems to work out. Keep moving so you can keep moving.
I've always been athletic, but I've never been slim. I was always the friend who couldn't borrow the other girls' clothes because they were 3 sizes too small for my hips and butt (and the gymnast who was forever losing points for picking her leotard out of her bum because my god leotards are not made for dump trucks).
I wasted a whole lot of time wishing I could be just as skinny, but then at some point realized that what I WAS was strong. My thick thighs were thick because they were muscular. I was short and chubby AND powerful! Lifting turned a thing I grew up hating about my body into its biggest strength. Lifting enables me to appreciate my body for what it is capable of instead of how it compares to others, and that's motivating AF.
I started properly paying attention to training when I got divorced five years ago. I’m 45 now and in the best shape of my life. Why then? Part of it was control, part of it was wanting to lose weight (I had had two babies) and part of it was wanting to distract myself from getting separated. It worked on all of those fronts, but after two years I lost too much weight and cut out food groups and did too much cardio.
When I plateaued, I got a trainer. I needed help with eating and with training. Now I’m still running and doing strength training either at the gym or at home w free weights. I am working on throwing away my scale and a lot of that help is coming from this newsletter.
For me it’s not so much about motivation because training is now such a habit I do it whether I feel motivated or not. It’s about what I have come to embrace: the value of consistency over intensity, the relationship between physical strength and resilience and emotional strength and resilience. I cannot have one without the other and each of those things feed each other and keep me moving forward. For me, my mental health is intimately connected to my physical health and strength. Running makes me calmer. Strength training gives me confidence to do hard things. And all of it shows how consistency pays off. Committing and seeing things through are important narrative threads in my life - I have two kids, a job and am writing a book - and training has taught me the value of just putting one foot in front of another and how that reaps so many benefits.
I only recently started doing a weight-lifting program for real (one that someone dropped into the Discord, on learning to do a pull-up), and I am struggling with motivation some days, in a way I never quite did with running, because a pull-up is just so far outside of my abilities right now. I thrive on novelty -- I get tired of the same exercises over and over, the same program, the same everything.
The only thing I've found that is keeping me going is keeping track (again, for the first time in my life) of how much I lift each time and trying to bump it up regularly. I have become a thing I always dreaded -- one of those people in the gym with a tiny little notebook-o'-lifting-notes.
It at least helps me know that I'm not going nowhere. Even if I can't do a pull-up, I can do the eccentric, slow-lowering-down thing now, whereas a month ago, I couldn't. Progress!
All that said, I'm not sure how long those progress reminders will sustain me, so I'll be watching this thread for any other motivational tips. (Also Casey I freaking love this newsletter.)
I have two things that keep me motivated to keep going every week.
1. Control
Lifting is the one space in my life where I am able to keep control no matter what chaos life brings. I decide when/how often I am working out, what I am working on, and all the other small decisions that someone can make during a session at the gym. As a parent with two toddlers, a full time job, a wife with her own business, and everything else that life has to offer it feels good to have a space where I am fully in the drivers seat!
2. The Practice of Lifting
I come from a musical background and achieved both an undergraduate and graduate degree (plus a few certificates) in music. I ended up finding a different career path that I do as my day job but I missed that daily grind that practice brings, the slowly chipping away to get better every day until you are able to do something that you couldn’t do before. It used to be a passage in Beethoven but now it is how many reps I can do or how much weight I can move. The satisfaction of working hard, a little bit at a time, is something I absolutely love about lifting and something I crave in my life.
Honestly, I live with everpresent anxiety about dropping dead and if I do my exercises then I feel like I don’t “have to” worry as much. Like it’s some kind of insurance.
It also feels so good to be strong and it helps me feel good in my body, but the main motivator is that damn anxiety.
honestly my life is really chaotic and i struggle with having enough time and getting enough sleep. so a lot of the time with fitness i know i will be basically stalling and not making progress. but i do it to "keep my hand in", ie. doing a little of something is better than doing nothing. working out gives me a tiny endorphin boost and lets me check something off a to-do list. the gym can also be a comforting escape from real life.
Antidepressants! I’ve always been pretty athletic and have enjoyed both the competition of team sports and the being able to push myself individually in the gym. Up until I started antidepressants though, I would classify my thinking around working out as pretty unhealthy. With antidepressants I feel much more able to focus on why I enjoy the smooth-brained time I give myself to lift heavy weights in the gym. I think the combo of reading Casey’s perspective on the value of lifting heavy, along with meds, have me in a place where I’m almost always excited to make room for my workouts.
1. Old age - I'm approaching 52yo, and if I don't train, I hurt. I'd really like to retain functionality into old age. I want to stay mobile, stay strong, maintain muscle mass, have the energy to do things...and this seems to be the only way to achieve that.
2. Anxiety - training (focusing on my body, it's function, as it performs basic movements) seems to be one of the things that takes me out of my head and returns me to focus. I'm a writer, so I spend a lot of time in my head, and I'm comfortable with it, but you can't live there. Control of your own physicality is helpful - training grounds me, and reminds me that I live in a body and that I can control this aspect of life when other areas feel overwhelming.
3. I feel good afterward - in a way that I don't experience after anything else.
4. I like feeling strong, and it sets a great example for my kids - something they see me doing, that they admire, and can achieve themselves. I think it's good for my sons to see their mother strength training.
I always complain that i am not disciplined enough to sustain regular exercise. However, i have realized that i am regularly exercising. I have run, biked and swam a lot. And i also have lifted, mostly using machines. Now at 61 i have decided that i want to learn how to do this with free weights. I want to be stronger because i know that as we get older we lose muscle and as we lose muscle we fall more easily, we get sicker more easily and we don‘t recover as easily. So, i have decided that i will run, bike, swim and lift for as long as i can. I want to be able to get up when i fall as i get older.
In my work as a physician i see sooo many women who hate their bodies and hardly can do anything strenuous, i don‘t want to be like that.
Additionally, i have chronic anxiety and insomnia, exercising keeps my head straight and gets me to sleep.
On a stricly vanity level i like the way my body looks when it has muscles…
I find motivation ephemeral, but habit keeps me going. I lift because it’s one of the things I do each week 🤷🏼♀️ What keeps me going is how it forces me to be IN my body (and outta my head), it gives me great satisfaction in eating and resting, like others have said it’s a space of control/pure ‘me’ time. I talk to people all day - I love that the gym is a place where I get to do a thing by myself, for myself.
The feeling of steady progress happens in so little of life outside of videogames, you know? Like, in how many ways can you measurably improve yourself? I kinda get a similar satisfaction from hitting my goodreads book goals but nothing hits quite like lifting slightly more weight or slightly more reps than you ever have before.
My capacity for dealing with stress, little shit and the BIG stuff, is truly improved by lifting and just working out in general. Job is stressful, raising a kid is amazing and rewarding but tough as hell, and then what feels like a literal hellscape of the world at times. Shit got dark early in the pandemic, as things started to open up i dove back in and found my overall mental health was significantly improved along with getting stronger every time out. A combination of crossfit and yoga, my wife even says it in a way that only a good life partner can: with sincerity and a smirk when she says “you’re less of an ass when you workout”. All of the criticisms of crossfit are fair, i would only ever recommend my place because they are inclusive to everyone. The work i out in and their support of it has helped me tremendously and that feeling of hope that comes in after the exhaustion subsides makes it all worth it.
The gym is my happy place, and it is also the place where I have suddenly realized a few important personal insights or at least first started applying said personal insights. I think any hobby can function like this for a person; my silly little hobby that makes me a better person just happens to be lifting heavy things. I don't really mean this in the "it builds character" kind of boomer-y sense, nor in the new age-y "zen of weightlifting" sense, but more so in the sense that lifting heavy shit gives me enough detachment from whatever is going on inside my head that I get a bit of clarity that can be very helpful.
My coach says that I am a person who needs a lot of stimulus to figure something out; in the same vein, I only feel properly cozy with a very heavy weighted blanket, and I feel happier lifting extremely heavy stuff (relatively speaking). When you are lifting heavy things, sometimes truths come out with a lot less subtlety than they do in regular ol' life.
Speaking up when something doesn't feel right or good for you has more immediate/drastic/painful consequences, on average, in the squat rack than in, say, the corporate environment. Same thing for learning to take up space and make noise: as your deadlift gets heavier, it's gonna make more noise when you drop it and that turns out to be fine. It's a more obvious & deliberate lesson than the learning process involved in "wow, if I keep asking questions in my grad program everyone will not, in fact, hate me forever."
Maybe my brain is a little slower on the uptake than the average brain, but I've found the gym to be super helpful in figuring things out(TM) just because the life lessons it imparts tend to be glaringly obvious and high-stimulus, and that is what I need as a person.
1. Getting comfortable with discomfort. I keep going to the gym and lifting and doing mentally excruciating (for me) HIIT workouts to increase my capacity to be comfortable being uncomfortable. For me, getting my brain comfortable being uncomfortable translates into being able to advocate for myself in my weird dysfunctional workplace, setting healthy boundaries with family members, etc. It's also helpful for "real world" physical pursuits that I find challenging such as backpacking and XC skiing.
2. Maintaining a beginner's mindset. I was always scared to go to the gym because I didn't want to look like I didn't know what I was doing. But when I started at my current gym with a trainer and small group of co-trainees (that I didn't know), I promised myself I would let that go-- that I would ask for help, ask for more info, be OK with not being perfect, etc. It was, and remains, so fun to approach learning new things with humility and openness. I can't believe how much cultivating this mindset has changed my life for the better both in the gym and out. It definitely keeps me coming back to the gym because instead of feeling like I have to prove myself each time or grind through something, the curiosity of "what can I learn today?" is so motivating.
In simple terms: lift big weight make brain smooth. More expanded version: as someone who had struggled with mental illness since childhood, when something can make the thoughts in my brain quiet down, I latch onto that like a lifeline. And when I decided somewhat randomly last summer to “work on my arm strength” because I was sick and tired of feeling weak, I realized that lifting was one of those things. Also, it feels really damn good to be able to not just lift a 40lb package but carry it up to my 3rd floor apartment all by myself. Progress is slow especially with visible physical changes but I have fallen in love with the process so on days where I get discouraged, that’s what keeps me going back for more. Forever chasing that smooth brain lmao
I don't like exercise, and I never cared about being strong or able to do things. But now that I'm an "old," I get a kick out of it. I also have so much more discipline when I was younger, in all areas of my life. I have enough life experience to know that consistent action may not get you the "results" you fantasize about, but you WILL get results. My "aging goal" is to "stay recognizable." I want to fit clothes I already own, ya know? Also, there are some quite old fitness influencers (Train With Joan), that make me think that when I'm retired, and really have time to do this shit, there's not as much of a limit to attaining things you never thought you could. At the end of the day, all I'm doing with exercise is overcoming my own resistance to it. Even if I "do a shitty job", I did it when I felt resistance, and I think that's good for me.
Today I picked a 10kg bag of rice off a low shelf, lifted it onto the grocery counter, and then one handed hoiked it high in the air as I used my other hand to hold my market trolley open, then lowered it in. In my mid 30s this would not have been an option, but after 6 years of training, it was no big deal. Bags of compost, bags of books, baskets of wet laundry, my bike… so many things I’m glad to be able to lift now.
I'm a 59 year old guy. For many years I would do those Beachbody programs like P90X. Having a schedule and a calendar kept me motivated. I've built up quite the gym in my garage. Then I'd wonder- if I'm doing all this Beachbody stuff, when do I get my 'beachbody'? Of course, the cast all seemed to be in their twenties and then I would injure myself trying to keep up with them. The abs thing didn't happen. Anyway, I keep doing different workouts now. I love rowing and running and I have a boxing/weights class i do with friends every Saturday. I have a yoga practice too. Now I'm doing Liftoff which I love. If I don't workout I feel mentally unwell. It's not so much about how I look but how I feel.
I’ve had a 180 in my relationship with food and exercise over the years and it makes a huge difference in motivation. In college it was all aesthetics for me, I was into counting calories on a scrap of paper I kept in my back pocket and did subpar fitness magazine workouts as a side dish to cardio. Overeating could “undo” my efforts and I maybe dabbled in bulimia if I didn't like the number on my scrap paper. My motivation was pure anxious compulsion.
When I shifted to wanting strength over aesthetics, it still took me a long time to fully go from working out to training. And that’s what really did it for me to get out of the restrictive mindset and want to properly fuel myself. The drive for not just strength but skill is fun and intrinsically motivating. The endorphins are there for me same as cardio, but I enjoy the process more and not just the feeling when it's done. Improvements are much more tangible and I can push myself to try to do more and eventually succeed. If I try to run farther or faster my knees and ankles hate me so I stagnate and it doesn't hold my interest. In addition to lifting, I'm an aerialist and being able to execute more advanced skills and hone my technique feels awesome. I want to do better, which is why the quest for strength and skill also fixes my problems with food. When I'm counting macros instead of calories, it's not "what did this cost me?" but "what did this earn me?" Another brick in the wall of progress, no guilt or neuroses.
Something I don’t see talked about a lot is how strength training has improved by immune system REMARKABLY. I used to get sick - days and days off work bed bound with a cold - every 3-6 months. After lifting weights 2-4 times a week I haven’t gotten sick ONCE in a year. Could be lots of things, but overall fitness is a piece of the puzzle!
Community keeps me going best, I think. My friends and family who help me process my struggles and celebrate my wins, the lifting buddies I get know in small moments at the gym, and the lovely strangers in the Swole Woman Discord all help me keep showing up for myself. Sleeping well, eating to support my workouts, nursing injuries and tender spots when they arise – it all contributes. I find if a lot of things are in balance, I don't have to motivate myself as often. When I am off-kilter, then I need to ask for help or make the hardest lift all by myself. So much tougher! If I can, I like to keep my team and my habits in balance. If I can't, then I remind myself that each choice is a little momentum in the right direction. And I hope I find a lifting buddy/community soon because that's usually what I'm missing.
After multiple physical and emotional traumas, including pregnancies and chronic disease that demolished all my muscle mass and made me seriously undernourished, I sought training with a coach as a way to feel capable in my body again. Now, I'm so proud of the results and the long way home I've taken. Plus, it's ended up being (a now obvious) part of my goals of re-embodiment.
I also really like to listen to nordic music and train to get stronger to battle my enemies (both real and symbolic).
Late on this, but for me, it helped in the early days to write down my weights so I could see the improvement happening before my very eyes. I also took pictures of myself periodically, not so much for traditional "before & after," but to again, show myself actual progress even if I wasn't "feeling" it. Once I had a routine going, it became less about motivation and more about discipline--it's just what I do. Some days are less fun than others, but I know I am happier after my workout, and am generally just a more even-keeled, pleasant person when I stick to my routine. That mindset also helped me overcome the notion of a "bad" workout, because even if I didn't cRuSh iT, I could still be confident it was a net positive for my day/week/life. Perhaps counter-intuitively, it also freed me to occasionally deviate from said routine, because missing a workout if I'm feeling truly ill or have a scheduling issue stopped being a "failure" that sent me on a spiral of doing nothing. It was just...a fact. Back at it tomorrow, one off day won't make a dent in a larger pattern of consistency.
It also helped to find things that I actually enjoy doing! When most of my activity is stuff I love (lifting weights, playing sports, boxing, anything "gamified"), it makes it a lower-stakes experiment to try something new that I will probably suck at (joining in on the corporate 5k, taking a barre class with my ballerina sister, doing my stupid little PT exercises to keep my stupid little patella tracking, etc.)
For me, lifting heavier things and running further than I ever thought I could are ceremony - they are metaphors for how I can learn do things that feel impossible in the moment. It takes me a long time to train to get to the point where I can run 20+ miles, and I don’t stay at that level of fitness all the time—there are seasons. But training is a way of reminding myself that I can do what I once couldn’t. In other realms of life, this feels hard to remember and live by, but progressive physical training is a signpost and confidence booster reminding me I’m capable, and also that it’s okay for things to take time.
I have quite literally brought myself back from being very ill - twice? - using the power of patiently applied exercise. The first time was after a tropical virus knocked out my digestive system. I lost quite a lot of weight fast, was complimented on it (GROSS), was so weak I could barely walk around the block and in quite a lot of pain. I started with fifteen minutes of yoga every three days and timed walks of ten minutes, then gradually upped that until I got through a yoga program that was semi-challenging. (This took about a year and a half, and then I was feeling a lot better.) Then added cross-country skiing and my first attempt of strength training (over the next two years), and running, and suddenly I was in incredible shape. For me - not for instagram - and I certainly didn't have shredded abs, but I could walk for longer than a trained dancer and I could lift my own damn suitcase, and felt so capable. So we're talking a five year journey here, but I kept seeing small things improve along the way, and because I built up the foundation slowly, things could go wrong and I could get back to it. Then came 2021.
First, I had covid. And that was not super awful, but it left me with a very fast heartbeat that seems to have been neurological, and a pretty significant weakness. Built that back up slowly using skiing (at the pace of a snail) and then walks, because running felt weird. Then, oh, then, I got cancer. That was--well. Chemo breaks you. But! Then I found a physio who knew cancer patients and helped me do gym machine-based strength training which is useful when your entire system is fucked up so you can't make your joints do things right, then I started cross-country skiing again once the snow came, and now I'm doing that twice a week, and I just got through phase 1 of Liftoff (which I'm doing at a slower pace than Casey says, because chemo). And now I'm SO much better than I was in November after chemo that it's somewhat ridiculous. So. A mix of strength training, yoga, walking, and skiing has brought me back from being very very sickly twice. And the first time I did it I was coming both from being very unfit to begin with (I was the kind of kid who was bullied in gym class) and very very weak. And five years later my doctor called me athletic and I nearly fell off my chair.
It just genuinely makes me *feel better.* My body has improved aesthetically (except for my boobs, if I’m being real—fat loss = bye-bye titties), I’m much stronger but still have days or weeks that really don’t go like I want them to and I feel weak and frustrated, but even if I experienced no aesthetic or strength-related changes, it’s something to do that just works like magic to quiet my silly little brain. I don’t have a single human thought the whole time I’m in the gym. I’m just a little weightlifting machine in there, and afterwards, even if it wasn’t a particularly good day, I always feel better than if I hadn’t done it. I’ve found that lifting consistently makes it hard to be anything other than calm and content. It makes me feel primal, creaturely, purposeful: when I’m hungry, I eat the things that allow me to do the things I like to do; I use my body to do things that bring me peace and joy; I put the well-used, happily tired little body to bed. That’s what I do with myself. It just feels like what I’m supposed to be doing. I just wish I’d figured it out prior to age 32.
I’m 53 and just started taking fitness seriously about 18 months ago. The only thing that keeps me going is knowing with my wisest mind that I’m stronger and healthier every time I show up. One of the first things my trainer said to me was “throw away your scale”. I didn’t do it, because I haven’t gotten emotionally strong enough to, yet. But I’ve learned that my strength and fitness are not measured there. I weigh exactly the same as when I started. My body looks almost identical. But I see the dramatic improvement in my strength and health, empirically.
I literally say every day, *anything* I do today to improve my fitness, helps. Even if I don’t feel like it. And even if I don’t crush it. Just showing up. Over and over and over.
Well, I can’t think of very much worthwhile that happens that fast. If I’m totally honest, at 72, what’s working for me to keep my weight reasonable and still feel good about my progress, is to keep competing. Knowing I need to make weight and also my ego wants to see improvement each time I’m on the platform is what does it for me.
I started training for an ultramarathon several years ago to cope with a bad breakup and the crippling sense of being alive that comes from having depression. Moving my body was the one surefire way I had to keep the demons in my mind at bay. It was were I had control.
I ran my first ultra and was taken by the singular happiness that comes from working towards a goal and achieving it. I kept running and training and have ran several more ultras. I started weight training as a way to stave off injury from the repetitive trauma of long distance mountain running. Along the way my depression become more manageable and I have built a community of supportive and loving people. If I keep moving everything else seems to work out. Keep moving so you can keep moving.
I've always been athletic, but I've never been slim. I was always the friend who couldn't borrow the other girls' clothes because they were 3 sizes too small for my hips and butt (and the gymnast who was forever losing points for picking her leotard out of her bum because my god leotards are not made for dump trucks).
I wasted a whole lot of time wishing I could be just as skinny, but then at some point realized that what I WAS was strong. My thick thighs were thick because they were muscular. I was short and chubby AND powerful! Lifting turned a thing I grew up hating about my body into its biggest strength. Lifting enables me to appreciate my body for what it is capable of instead of how it compares to others, and that's motivating AF.
I started properly paying attention to training when I got divorced five years ago. I’m 45 now and in the best shape of my life. Why then? Part of it was control, part of it was wanting to lose weight (I had had two babies) and part of it was wanting to distract myself from getting separated. It worked on all of those fronts, but after two years I lost too much weight and cut out food groups and did too much cardio.
When I plateaued, I got a trainer. I needed help with eating and with training. Now I’m still running and doing strength training either at the gym or at home w free weights. I am working on throwing away my scale and a lot of that help is coming from this newsletter.
For me it’s not so much about motivation because training is now such a habit I do it whether I feel motivated or not. It’s about what I have come to embrace: the value of consistency over intensity, the relationship between physical strength and resilience and emotional strength and resilience. I cannot have one without the other and each of those things feed each other and keep me moving forward. For me, my mental health is intimately connected to my physical health and strength. Running makes me calmer. Strength training gives me confidence to do hard things. And all of it shows how consistency pays off. Committing and seeing things through are important narrative threads in my life - I have two kids, a job and am writing a book - and training has taught me the value of just putting one foot in front of another and how that reaps so many benefits.
I only recently started doing a weight-lifting program for real (one that someone dropped into the Discord, on learning to do a pull-up), and I am struggling with motivation some days, in a way I never quite did with running, because a pull-up is just so far outside of my abilities right now. I thrive on novelty -- I get tired of the same exercises over and over, the same program, the same everything.
The only thing I've found that is keeping me going is keeping track (again, for the first time in my life) of how much I lift each time and trying to bump it up regularly. I have become a thing I always dreaded -- one of those people in the gym with a tiny little notebook-o'-lifting-notes.
It at least helps me know that I'm not going nowhere. Even if I can't do a pull-up, I can do the eccentric, slow-lowering-down thing now, whereas a month ago, I couldn't. Progress!
All that said, I'm not sure how long those progress reminders will sustain me, so I'll be watching this thread for any other motivational tips. (Also Casey I freaking love this newsletter.)
Lifting makes me feel great about my body as a small fat woman!
I have two things that keep me motivated to keep going every week.
1. Control
Lifting is the one space in my life where I am able to keep control no matter what chaos life brings. I decide when/how often I am working out, what I am working on, and all the other small decisions that someone can make during a session at the gym. As a parent with two toddlers, a full time job, a wife with her own business, and everything else that life has to offer it feels good to have a space where I am fully in the drivers seat!
2. The Practice of Lifting
I come from a musical background and achieved both an undergraduate and graduate degree (plus a few certificates) in music. I ended up finding a different career path that I do as my day job but I missed that daily grind that practice brings, the slowly chipping away to get better every day until you are able to do something that you couldn’t do before. It used to be a passage in Beethoven but now it is how many reps I can do or how much weight I can move. The satisfaction of working hard, a little bit at a time, is something I absolutely love about lifting and something I crave in my life.
Honestly, I live with everpresent anxiety about dropping dead and if I do my exercises then I feel like I don’t “have to” worry as much. Like it’s some kind of insurance.
It also feels so good to be strong and it helps me feel good in my body, but the main motivator is that damn anxiety.
honestly my life is really chaotic and i struggle with having enough time and getting enough sleep. so a lot of the time with fitness i know i will be basically stalling and not making progress. but i do it to "keep my hand in", ie. doing a little of something is better than doing nothing. working out gives me a tiny endorphin boost and lets me check something off a to-do list. the gym can also be a comforting escape from real life.
Antidepressants! I’ve always been pretty athletic and have enjoyed both the competition of team sports and the being able to push myself individually in the gym. Up until I started antidepressants though, I would classify my thinking around working out as pretty unhealthy. With antidepressants I feel much more able to focus on why I enjoy the smooth-brained time I give myself to lift heavy weights in the gym. I think the combo of reading Casey’s perspective on the value of lifting heavy, along with meds, have me in a place where I’m almost always excited to make room for my workouts.
My primary motivations:
1. Old age - I'm approaching 52yo, and if I don't train, I hurt. I'd really like to retain functionality into old age. I want to stay mobile, stay strong, maintain muscle mass, have the energy to do things...and this seems to be the only way to achieve that.
2. Anxiety - training (focusing on my body, it's function, as it performs basic movements) seems to be one of the things that takes me out of my head and returns me to focus. I'm a writer, so I spend a lot of time in my head, and I'm comfortable with it, but you can't live there. Control of your own physicality is helpful - training grounds me, and reminds me that I live in a body and that I can control this aspect of life when other areas feel overwhelming.
3. I feel good afterward - in a way that I don't experience after anything else.
4. I like feeling strong, and it sets a great example for my kids - something they see me doing, that they admire, and can achieve themselves. I think it's good for my sons to see their mother strength training.
I always complain that i am not disciplined enough to sustain regular exercise. However, i have realized that i am regularly exercising. I have run, biked and swam a lot. And i also have lifted, mostly using machines. Now at 61 i have decided that i want to learn how to do this with free weights. I want to be stronger because i know that as we get older we lose muscle and as we lose muscle we fall more easily, we get sicker more easily and we don‘t recover as easily. So, i have decided that i will run, bike, swim and lift for as long as i can. I want to be able to get up when i fall as i get older.
In my work as a physician i see sooo many women who hate their bodies and hardly can do anything strenuous, i don‘t want to be like that.
Additionally, i have chronic anxiety and insomnia, exercising keeps my head straight and gets me to sleep.
On a stricly vanity level i like the way my body looks when it has muscles…
All that keeps me going and working out.
I find motivation ephemeral, but habit keeps me going. I lift because it’s one of the things I do each week 🤷🏼♀️ What keeps me going is how it forces me to be IN my body (and outta my head), it gives me great satisfaction in eating and resting, like others have said it’s a space of control/pure ‘me’ time. I talk to people all day - I love that the gym is a place where I get to do a thing by myself, for myself.
The feeling of steady progress happens in so little of life outside of videogames, you know? Like, in how many ways can you measurably improve yourself? I kinda get a similar satisfaction from hitting my goodreads book goals but nothing hits quite like lifting slightly more weight or slightly more reps than you ever have before.
My capacity for dealing with stress, little shit and the BIG stuff, is truly improved by lifting and just working out in general. Job is stressful, raising a kid is amazing and rewarding but tough as hell, and then what feels like a literal hellscape of the world at times. Shit got dark early in the pandemic, as things started to open up i dove back in and found my overall mental health was significantly improved along with getting stronger every time out. A combination of crossfit and yoga, my wife even says it in a way that only a good life partner can: with sincerity and a smirk when she says “you’re less of an ass when you workout”. All of the criticisms of crossfit are fair, i would only ever recommend my place because they are inclusive to everyone. The work i out in and their support of it has helped me tremendously and that feeling of hope that comes in after the exhaustion subsides makes it all worth it.
The gym is my happy place, and it is also the place where I have suddenly realized a few important personal insights or at least first started applying said personal insights. I think any hobby can function like this for a person; my silly little hobby that makes me a better person just happens to be lifting heavy things. I don't really mean this in the "it builds character" kind of boomer-y sense, nor in the new age-y "zen of weightlifting" sense, but more so in the sense that lifting heavy shit gives me enough detachment from whatever is going on inside my head that I get a bit of clarity that can be very helpful.
My coach says that I am a person who needs a lot of stimulus to figure something out; in the same vein, I only feel properly cozy with a very heavy weighted blanket, and I feel happier lifting extremely heavy stuff (relatively speaking). When you are lifting heavy things, sometimes truths come out with a lot less subtlety than they do in regular ol' life.
Speaking up when something doesn't feel right or good for you has more immediate/drastic/painful consequences, on average, in the squat rack than in, say, the corporate environment. Same thing for learning to take up space and make noise: as your deadlift gets heavier, it's gonna make more noise when you drop it and that turns out to be fine. It's a more obvious & deliberate lesson than the learning process involved in "wow, if I keep asking questions in my grad program everyone will not, in fact, hate me forever."
Maybe my brain is a little slower on the uptake than the average brain, but I've found the gym to be super helpful in figuring things out(TM) just because the life lessons it imparts tend to be glaringly obvious and high-stimulus, and that is what I need as a person.
1. Getting comfortable with discomfort. I keep going to the gym and lifting and doing mentally excruciating (for me) HIIT workouts to increase my capacity to be comfortable being uncomfortable. For me, getting my brain comfortable being uncomfortable translates into being able to advocate for myself in my weird dysfunctional workplace, setting healthy boundaries with family members, etc. It's also helpful for "real world" physical pursuits that I find challenging such as backpacking and XC skiing.
2. Maintaining a beginner's mindset. I was always scared to go to the gym because I didn't want to look like I didn't know what I was doing. But when I started at my current gym with a trainer and small group of co-trainees (that I didn't know), I promised myself I would let that go-- that I would ask for help, ask for more info, be OK with not being perfect, etc. It was, and remains, so fun to approach learning new things with humility and openness. I can't believe how much cultivating this mindset has changed my life for the better both in the gym and out. It definitely keeps me coming back to the gym because instead of feeling like I have to prove myself each time or grind through something, the curiosity of "what can I learn today?" is so motivating.
In simple terms: lift big weight make brain smooth. More expanded version: as someone who had struggled with mental illness since childhood, when something can make the thoughts in my brain quiet down, I latch onto that like a lifeline. And when I decided somewhat randomly last summer to “work on my arm strength” because I was sick and tired of feeling weak, I realized that lifting was one of those things. Also, it feels really damn good to be able to not just lift a 40lb package but carry it up to my 3rd floor apartment all by myself. Progress is slow especially with visible physical changes but I have fallen in love with the process so on days where I get discouraged, that’s what keeps me going back for more. Forever chasing that smooth brain lmao
I don't like exercise, and I never cared about being strong or able to do things. But now that I'm an "old," I get a kick out of it. I also have so much more discipline when I was younger, in all areas of my life. I have enough life experience to know that consistent action may not get you the "results" you fantasize about, but you WILL get results. My "aging goal" is to "stay recognizable." I want to fit clothes I already own, ya know? Also, there are some quite old fitness influencers (Train With Joan), that make me think that when I'm retired, and really have time to do this shit, there's not as much of a limit to attaining things you never thought you could. At the end of the day, all I'm doing with exercise is overcoming my own resistance to it. Even if I "do a shitty job", I did it when I felt resistance, and I think that's good for me.
Today I picked a 10kg bag of rice off a low shelf, lifted it onto the grocery counter, and then one handed hoiked it high in the air as I used my other hand to hold my market trolley open, then lowered it in. In my mid 30s this would not have been an option, but after 6 years of training, it was no big deal. Bags of compost, bags of books, baskets of wet laundry, my bike… so many things I’m glad to be able to lift now.
I'm a 59 year old guy. For many years I would do those Beachbody programs like P90X. Having a schedule and a calendar kept me motivated. I've built up quite the gym in my garage. Then I'd wonder- if I'm doing all this Beachbody stuff, when do I get my 'beachbody'? Of course, the cast all seemed to be in their twenties and then I would injure myself trying to keep up with them. The abs thing didn't happen. Anyway, I keep doing different workouts now. I love rowing and running and I have a boxing/weights class i do with friends every Saturday. I have a yoga practice too. Now I'm doing Liftoff which I love. If I don't workout I feel mentally unwell. It's not so much about how I look but how I feel.
I’ve had a 180 in my relationship with food and exercise over the years and it makes a huge difference in motivation. In college it was all aesthetics for me, I was into counting calories on a scrap of paper I kept in my back pocket and did subpar fitness magazine workouts as a side dish to cardio. Overeating could “undo” my efforts and I maybe dabbled in bulimia if I didn't like the number on my scrap paper. My motivation was pure anxious compulsion.
When I shifted to wanting strength over aesthetics, it still took me a long time to fully go from working out to training. And that’s what really did it for me to get out of the restrictive mindset and want to properly fuel myself. The drive for not just strength but skill is fun and intrinsically motivating. The endorphins are there for me same as cardio, but I enjoy the process more and not just the feeling when it's done. Improvements are much more tangible and I can push myself to try to do more and eventually succeed. If I try to run farther or faster my knees and ankles hate me so I stagnate and it doesn't hold my interest. In addition to lifting, I'm an aerialist and being able to execute more advanced skills and hone my technique feels awesome. I want to do better, which is why the quest for strength and skill also fixes my problems with food. When I'm counting macros instead of calories, it's not "what did this cost me?" but "what did this earn me?" Another brick in the wall of progress, no guilt or neuroses.
Something I don’t see talked about a lot is how strength training has improved by immune system REMARKABLY. I used to get sick - days and days off work bed bound with a cold - every 3-6 months. After lifting weights 2-4 times a week I haven’t gotten sick ONCE in a year. Could be lots of things, but overall fitness is a piece of the puzzle!
Community keeps me going best, I think. My friends and family who help me process my struggles and celebrate my wins, the lifting buddies I get know in small moments at the gym, and the lovely strangers in the Swole Woman Discord all help me keep showing up for myself. Sleeping well, eating to support my workouts, nursing injuries and tender spots when they arise – it all contributes. I find if a lot of things are in balance, I don't have to motivate myself as often. When I am off-kilter, then I need to ask for help or make the hardest lift all by myself. So much tougher! If I can, I like to keep my team and my habits in balance. If I can't, then I remind myself that each choice is a little momentum in the right direction. And I hope I find a lifting buddy/community soon because that's usually what I'm missing.
After multiple physical and emotional traumas, including pregnancies and chronic disease that demolished all my muscle mass and made me seriously undernourished, I sought training with a coach as a way to feel capable in my body again. Now, I'm so proud of the results and the long way home I've taken. Plus, it's ended up being (a now obvious) part of my goals of re-embodiment.
I also really like to listen to nordic music and train to get stronger to battle my enemies (both real and symbolic).
Late on this, but for me, it helped in the early days to write down my weights so I could see the improvement happening before my very eyes. I also took pictures of myself periodically, not so much for traditional "before & after," but to again, show myself actual progress even if I wasn't "feeling" it. Once I had a routine going, it became less about motivation and more about discipline--it's just what I do. Some days are less fun than others, but I know I am happier after my workout, and am generally just a more even-keeled, pleasant person when I stick to my routine. That mindset also helped me overcome the notion of a "bad" workout, because even if I didn't cRuSh iT, I could still be confident it was a net positive for my day/week/life. Perhaps counter-intuitively, it also freed me to occasionally deviate from said routine, because missing a workout if I'm feeling truly ill or have a scheduling issue stopped being a "failure" that sent me on a spiral of doing nothing. It was just...a fact. Back at it tomorrow, one off day won't make a dent in a larger pattern of consistency.
It also helped to find things that I actually enjoy doing! When most of my activity is stuff I love (lifting weights, playing sports, boxing, anything "gamified"), it makes it a lower-stakes experiment to try something new that I will probably suck at (joining in on the corporate 5k, taking a barre class with my ballerina sister, doing my stupid little PT exercises to keep my stupid little patella tracking, etc.)
For me, lifting heavier things and running further than I ever thought I could are ceremony - they are metaphors for how I can learn do things that feel impossible in the moment. It takes me a long time to train to get to the point where I can run 20+ miles, and I don’t stay at that level of fitness all the time—there are seasons. But training is a way of reminding myself that I can do what I once couldn’t. In other realms of life, this feels hard to remember and live by, but progressive physical training is a signpost and confidence booster reminding me I’m capable, and also that it’s okay for things to take time.